Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
