my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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