We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Randomize
