TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
