PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Randomize
