Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
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I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
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