Jerry, you need to find god
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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