If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
