3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
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i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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