I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
