Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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