I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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