they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
