I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
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