I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
