Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
