some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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