Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
