What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I can tuck mytits in my pants
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Randomize