i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I need to calm my uterus...
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
