I just cut my nipple shaving
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
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