don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize