How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
