hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
