so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
