i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Randomize
