This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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