I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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