I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
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