dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Randomize
