My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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