Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Randomize
