so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
