I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
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im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
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I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
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