thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Randomize
