I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
