what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Randomize
