mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
