Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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