I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
