Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Randomize
