Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
