Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize