I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
