planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
