Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
