So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
