I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Randomize
