yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Randomize
