How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
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