plz talk dirty to me
ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
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