I've blown a few things in my day
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
