i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Semen is not good for contacts.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
