I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
