this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
