btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
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