Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Randomize
