We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
