16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
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