I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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