Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Randomize
