corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Randomize
