this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
