My girlfriend figured out who you are.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
this just has baby written all over it
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Randomize
