I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
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