you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
found the other keg... it's in the tree
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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