I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
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