i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize
