I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
