halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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